The Very British Adventures of Harry Flynn
by There She Goes And Shes Comin
Summary: Elena and Nate Drake are having a baby. But when Harry Flynn returns offering badly needed money through a heist of a crisps packet, and his own messy life in tow, they get sucked back into the world they thought they had escaped from with Charlie. And with Lazarevic's army chasing Flynn, all goes to hell: British Style. Flynn based version of 'TWAOCC'. N/E View, Comedy/Parody
1. Legacy

**Multiplayer will come into this. I've got an idea, don't worry.**

**She was going to kill Nathan Drake.**

Elena hurtled up the steps, each one cracking like the gunfire she had been forced to listen to earlier. She jumped into the elevator, hitting the button to send it up. She twitched nervously, memories of the death playing in her head. And Nate…

She leapt out and ran to the fuse boxes. No gun, so she'd just have to try and… oh, just turn them off. Why not? She pulled the switch and the power went off. She heard cries of distress as people reacted to it. She slipped away and moved to the stairs. She touched her swelling belly tenderly as she made her way down the stairs.

"It's okay baby. It's all fine." She soothed, not quite sure with what she had said.

She got to their room and took a deep breath. Here we go again…

She pushed open the door and made her way past the baby magazines. She got to the bedroom to find Nate sitting on it, engrossed in…

Unplayable 3's damn multiplayer.

She crossed her arms and stood by the door.

"Why are you still playing? I turned the power off." She fumed.

Nate looked around and smiled. "Nice to see you too preggers."

She scowled. "It's your fault I'm like this."

Nate sat up. "No uh. I don't control crazy female hormones."

"I didn't mean that. I was talking about getting me pregnant."

Nate nodded. "That was a two way thing."

"You raped me."

He sighed. "Elena, I've told you before. What happened in Yemen was not my fault. It was a two way thing."

Nate looked at his wife as his character was killed over and over again. She'd wanted to watch the parents channel but Charlie and Sully had invited him to a game so…

"Look Elena, come here and give me a cuddle." He prayed for her crazy hormones to go in his favour.

They did.

Elena clutched her stomach, now visibly pulling at her large shirts and padded over to him.

He looked at her as she snuggled next to him. She'd put on weight, which wasn't a bad thing. They'd had a nice quiet time of her pregnancy so far, now going into the 5 months part, and to ease restlessness she'd brought a game. Unplayable. He didn't care for the characters, thought they lacked emotion and kinda reminded him of stuff and the plots were lame, but the multiplayer was good.

Hitch: Charlie also had it. And he was good.

He looked back at Elena, a bit of sauce on her face, probably having stopped off to eat while going to try and turn the power off to get him to stop playing. She got mad sometimes due to hormones. Nate just lived through it. But now she was docile, lying next to him.

Nate stroked her belly, making her close her eyes and there… she was asleep.

Nate turned back to the game where Tate Make was being killed.

"_Hello mate. Care to actually fight?" _

"Yeah Charlie. Elena interrupted."

Sully spoke up, his mike crackly. _"Yeah yeah yeah, ladies. Let's get going."_

Sully ran forward into a grenade. FYI: Sully sucked really badly but he thought he was the best. Not quite Sully.

Charlie ran forwards and Nate tracked him. Charlie had legacied so many times ND had given him a special level. And guns to go with it. He was playing as Christopher Curler, a bald English gentlemen introduced in U3. Despite not caring too much for some of the characters he had become protective of Elain Fryer. He didn't know why, but her spunky attitude reminded him of a certain pregnant woman next to him.

Still, he didn't want to put her in danger during multi so he didn't play with her. Instead he played with this dick who kept messing up the relationship. Loser.

Anyway, as if he could be unsafe with Charlie around. The guy was a beast.

Charlie ran forwards and two guys came. Charlie made his guy throw a grenade above his head, before punching one and ducking under the others punch. The grenade went off blowing the head off the two guys as Charlie kept low. He rose and raise his pistol taking out a sniper who had been blinded by the grenade. See, badass.

Charlie started climbing the wall, Nate following, Elena snoring beside him. Sully joined them, complaining about his TV. Yeah, okay Sully.

Sully got to the top first and was yanked by a guy waiting. He put his pistol to Sully's head and attempted to shoot him. Sully punched him, but was kicked for his trouble. Charlie made it too the top and ran towards Sully. The man put the pistol to Sully's head, but Charlie whipped his up and blew it out of his hand. Sully slipped and nearly fell but Nate caught him and held him steady.

Charlie got kicked down by the player who was one hell of a fist fighter. He stomped on Charlie's face but Charlie dodged and kicked at his knee, before flying up and tackling him to the ground. A set piece came and blew Charlie off his feet as the building tipped sideways. Charlie scrabbled for purchase before the brute hit him. Charlie kicked at him, but the brute pushed him away. Charlie fell off the edge, barely hanging on. Charlie was in fear. Nate knew why. Charlie had never died and ND were going to give him a medal if he kept it up, and this could be the end.

The player came over and pointed his gun at Charlie's face and fired. The guy toppled over and fell off.; Charlie was hanging there, breathing heavily, a pistol in his hand.

He climbed up and looked at Nate . "Close one, eh?"

Elena moved next to Nate, as he quit the game, using the excuse:

"Tired pregnant wife."

He put the controller down and scooped Elena up in his arms.

"Come you, bed time."

Elena muttered something and clutched Nate's shirt.

Nate sighed and moved to the bed with her, putting her down gently and brushing her lips with his own.

**It'll start to get going next time, you'll see. **


	2. Oh Flynn, Crisps?

**Okay, I got someone (a few people to blow my own trumpet) subscribing to the story! Great! Please review! Link at the bottom and you can trash my story! Fun, right? Yeah! Okay, so do that. Of course, you could say good stuff, but where's the fun in that?**

**Nate raised the beer to his lips and took a sip, showing off the Fosters label clearly. **Yeah, it did suck having to do all this advertising sometimes but it was funding the story, so, he shrugged, whatever.

Elena was sipping her orange juice with extra juice slowly. She'd been up all night claiming the baby was 'talking to her' and keeping her awake. Honestly, Nate was seriously thinking his wife was going mad.

It was going to happen eventually he reflected. Who sees Zombies, blue men, that new smurfs movie, that new muppets movie, Cars 2, Die Hard and many others, Skyrim glitches and Sully holding in his blood and having a gay son without snapping?

Elena looked over the beach and sighed. She was annoyed for two reasons.

The baby was annoying her.

She could rock that beach if not for her basketball of a stomach (still growing!)

And a sneaky C, having a stupid load of scars which would also restrict her 'beach-rocking' abilities.

Sure, Nate was great in bed with her, calling her 'unique' due to her scars, his special Elena, but still. They were starting to get a little sensitive AND to top it all off, she'd gained weight!

Sully said: _"It's was part and parcel of being ill- pregnant, I mean and it'll be fine. You're putting on weight for the baby. It wants food and you have to take the shit for it's greediness."_

Great, Nate could just waltz around while she got fat and drank orange juice when she wanted alcohol.

Nate looked at Elena. She was thinking about alcohol (which she usually didn't care about, but now deprived of it, wanted it more than the baby) and that stupid ounce she's gained. Seriously, she was just a little jiggy in the lower department. She was no where near the 'America's fattest' scale.

Nate drunk his beer and waited for her mood to change. Soon, she'd get happy, laugh about her ounce gained, and be asking for him to help her feel the water and not drown in the sea. They were on a nice beach, on a little holiday to calm Elena down and it had been good so far. Just Elena got a little hormonal.

"Nate?"

He looked around. "Yep, beautiful."

She was happy. She blushed before saying. "I need the wee."

Nate rolled his eyes. "Go on. You don't need to ask me."

Her eyes started to blaze. "I just thought you'd like to know where I was! But id you don't care I'll find someone else!"

She stormed off. Nate just shook his head. First time she'd done this, Nate had panicked. Off for another guy? Nearly 6 months down the line and he knew better. She'd storm off, get lost, and come running back to give him and kiss and take her to the bathroom. It was cute, Nate admitted. He was quite happy for her dependence. It made him feel like he was doing something in the pregnancy. Anyway, he snorted, like anyone would want a hormonal, blond hair flying, teary eyed (hormones!), basketball stomached, jiggy bottomed, dominate, demanding, docile, clingy pregnant wife and soon-to-be mother who, when they had sex, just lay there, too tired to do anything but demand it and fall asleep during it.

But, Nate reflected, he did. In fact, that image was actually turning him on a bit. Actually, a lot. He hoped Elena demanded it tonight. He'd be happy to oblidge.

"Buy me a drink sailer."

Nate jerked around. He was looking at a very tall, taller than him, man with bandages on his face and holding a gun to him by his shirt, out of sight. But what he could see looked like… Flynn.

"It's pathetic really. Whenever we meet, I'm the one holding the gun."

Nate looked at him. "Flynn?"

"Oh, you were expecting Eddy Raja?"

Nate shrugged. "Maybe. Wait, you're dead?"

Flynn shook his head. "Lucky escape mate."

"But it was point blank!"

Flynn pushed off the bar. "Look! You heard of deux ex machnia?"

"What?"

"Unrealistic plot points!"

"But you're dead!"

"No, I'm alive now! Okay! I was blown to pieces but somehow I survived! Loads of people wanted me alive okay? Just deal with it!"

Nate stood up slowly. "You tried to kill Elena."

Flynn looked at him. "What? She's not dead?"

Nate tackled him.

"Assault! Assault!" Flynn cried as he hit him feebly with his gun.

Nate raised his fist.

"Wait!"

Nate stopped. "What?"

"I want to be friends again!"

Nate got off him. "You really are mad."

Flynn got to his feet. "No, look, when I got blown up, I thought, this sucks, why didn't I stick with Nate and Chloe? So I decided to redo life. Speaking of Chloe, how is she?"

Nate looked at him. "Okay, I guess."

Flynn blinked. "What do you mean, 'I guess'? You're with her right? Went behind my back and stole her?" He looked at his hand. "Crikey! A wedding ring! I didn't think Chloe would- Look sit down."

He took Nate's shoulder and led him over to a table. It was déjà vu, Nate thought. Just like 3 years ago.

"Where is Chloe?"

Nate shook his head. "Okay Flynn. 'Cause you look mad, I'll go on with this. Put the gun down."

Flynn slid it to him. "Sure, buddy. Whatever you want."

Nate smiled. "Look dick. First" he air quoted "I'm not your 'buddy'. Second, I don't have a clue 'bout Chloe 'cause I dumped her for Elena, the woman you nearly killed! So forgive me if I'm not just" Nate raised his hands "leaping into your arms."

Flynn nodded. "Okay, I get it. But I really have a job for us."

"Not interested."

At that moment Elena came up to the table and sat next to Nate. She grabbed his hand and put it on her stomach contently, not even noticing Flynn.

"She's alive!" Flynn hissed. Then he spotted her belly. "Boy, she's more than alive! Who got her knocked up?"

Nate pointed the gun at him. "My wife Flynn. The baby's mine."

Flynn gasped. "Who'd think you'd have a kid."

Nate scowled at him. "Shut it traitor."

Elena looked up. "You will not believe what happened." She started. "I got stuck, yes stuck!, in the toilet! You want to know how? Oh, he kicked!"

Nate felt it under his hand. "Whoa! That's brilliant! What-"

"So I was just stuck in it" Elena continued. "And I was thinking, how'd I'd try to get out. I mean, this is just stupid, right Nate? And I couldn't even call you." She looked at him with big blue eyes. "I tried."

Nate felt a surge of guilt. He wanted to help. Goddamnit. He should have gone with her. Then he remembered Flynn.

Nate pointed at Flynn. "Oh yeah Elena, Flynn's back!"

Elena looked at him. "Huh? These stories do get weird." She leaned over to Nate and said audibly. "He'll die again right?"

"Hey!" Flynn objected.

"Shut up Flynn." Nate said. "You violated your rights when you nearly blew up Elena."

Flynn sank back, completely silent.

Nate nodded. "Good. Now what were you saying honey?"

Elena looked at him. "I got stuck in a toilet."

Nate nodded. "Yes, after that."

Elena thought. "Oh yeah." She looked at Flynn. "are you offering cash?"

Flynn nodded. "Yep blondi- Elena. Yes I am. Enough to keep you, Mr Drake and Drake Junior in comfort."

Nate looked at him and Elena. "But… Elena, he nearly blew you up."

Elena looked at Nate. "Just do it quickly then we get rich."

Nate sighed. "Whatever. I'm gonna regret this but… Go on Flynn, just get it over."

Flynn leant forward. "I'm lucky Elena's hormonally happy right?"

Nate nodded. "Oh yeah."

Flynn nodded. "Yeah, anyway. Okay, you're not going to like this."

"What? You planning to betray me again?"

Flynn scowled. "That was once. I'm clean now."

Nate shrugged. "Sure Flynn."

"Okay, listen." He slid a picture of a crisp packet over. "See?"

Nate looked at it. "It looks like a Walkers crisp packet. Hardly a treasure. Where are we stealing it from? A bin?"

"No smart arse. But yeah, kinda."

"Why?"

"Because it has inscriptions on the inside, that's why."

Nate shook his head. "Where have I heard that before."

Flynn looked confused. "What?"

"Forget it Flynn. Keep going."

"Right. We need to head to a French park and go to a bin and pick it up."

Nate laughed. "Ha! Seriously. What? We have to go steal a crisp packet which might or might not have the location of a lost city or some crap in the most heavily guarded bin on the planet! Seriously!"

Flynn nodded. "Yeah. Bob's your uncle. But hey" he whacked Nate's arm lightly. "At least we get paid well!"

Nate shook his head. "You know what? Fine, why not." Flynn extended his hand. "But" Nate put in "I call the shots. No backstabbing."

Flynn nodded. "Yeah, promise."

"And I'm taking Elena."

Flynn frowned. "This isn't going to be a walk in the park, y'know."

Nate grinned. "Oh but Flynn. It will be."

**Please review!**


	3. Don't Insult Epic Mickey

**Ouch, this took too long to get out. If everyone who reads this and half likes could review that would be great!**

"**Yo mate, that is definitely the right shirt for you!"**

Nate dropped his head onto the car seat in front of him. Elena sat beside him, happily munching on the extra large pack of Doritos he'd brought her.

Flynn filed his nails in the corner and Charlie drove up front.

Now it hadn't been Nate who had given Charlie the driving job. Charlie had insisted and when he had been denied again he'd started crying. Nate wasn't even sure why Elena had called him. She could have called Sully, but no, she had to go to Charlie who was only too happy to join in with the 'fun'. And here he was, driving up front towards the sewer grate that Flynn and Nate were going to drop into.

Nate shook his head. Who on God's good earth wanted a damn crisp packet? I mean, come on! He and Flynn could just buy one from a Tesco and call it a day. But no, they were going to steal one from a park inside a stupid amusement park. In broad daylight. And they couldn't even just walk in by buying tickets because Flynn 'didn't have the money'.

AND Charlie was going to be Intel. And let's face it, that would just suck.

The car pulled up on a street, and Flynn dove out with their bag of 'stuff'.

Nate looked at Elena, expecting a goodbye, but she was asleep. Typical.

Nate kissed her on the cheek and put a hand on her stomach, feeling a small kick before he pulled away.

He stepped out of the car and followed Flynn to the bench he was 'casually' sitting on.

"Good luck you two! Hope you steal what you wanted!" Charlie yelled before driving off. Nate gritted his teeth.

Flynn looked up. "Whoa, hold on! What did he just say?"

"It's nothing Flynn. No-one would think we're thieves."

Flynn looked at himself, dressed in black, with a toolbag and lockpicks attached to his belt. He looked up again. "Listen guy, I'm not sure about that!"

Nate shook his head. "Just keep your cool Flynn."

Flynn flicked his wrists. "I'm cool, really cool."

Nate nodded. "Yep, keep that and let's go traitor."

Flynn stood up, sighing. "Are you still going to hold that over me? That was over 2 years ago!"

Nate opened up the sewer grate, looking around. "You see anyone Flynn?"

Flynn looked quickly. "See, I don't know. Maybe because my vision is too one sighted, y'know, being a traitor after all."

Nate threw the sewer grate away before resting his hands on his knees. "What a shame."

He started to climb down. Flynn followed after him. "No, that wasn't serious. I'm not a traitor, not any more."

Nate hit the ground, water reaching his ankles. Flynn dropped next to him.

"Right- Ah, stupid water."

Nate looked at him, complaining, trying to lift his trousers out of the water.

"Buck up Flynn. Don't you like your jeans all squishy?"

Flynn looked at him seriously. "Oh yeah, just great."

Nate rose an eyebrow before walking forward. "You got the map?"

Flynn reached into his pocket, pulling out a map of the theme park. "Yep, right here."

Nate looked at it. "No, I meant of the sewer."

Flynn tipped his head. "Sorry mate, I don't have that map."

Nate turned. "Flynn! What the fuck? We don't know where to go!"

Flynn nodded. "Yeah, but our maps got Epic Mickey on it." He pointed at the ride on the map. "See?"

Nate hit the map into the water. "Fuck Mickey! We need to get out."

Flynn pointed at the ladder. "There you go."

Nate shook his head. "Whatever, we go blind."

Flynn caught up with him. "You know, I don't appreciate you hitting my map in the water and not apologising."

Nate waved a hand. "I'll get you a new one when we get to the park."

"It won't be the Epic Mickey Edition, will it?"

Nate groaned. "I'll buy you Epic Mickey if it makes you feel better."

Flynn perked up. "Oh, that's great!"

Nate rolled his eyes. "Great…" he muttered.

They walked in silence for a while, before Flynn decided to speak again.

"Hey mate."

Nate looked at him. "What happened to that nice silence we had?"

Flynn ignored him. "See, we have a small problem. It's not big, but I thought I'd mention it, just in case."

Nate scowled. "What, when we're already stuck in the sewer?"

Flynn looked around as if he had just realised they were in a sewer. "Oh yeah, still…" he put his hands in front of him as if he was planning "this sewer, it connects all the toilets in the city-"

"So you're telling me all the waste comes in here?" Nate interjected.

Flynn nodded. "Yeah, that's it. But, see" he scratched his neck as if it was difficult to say "when they flush it all comes."

Nate stopped. "Wait… upstairs they flush, and all the shit comes down here… to us?"

Flynn nodded. "If you like."

"Wait, are you sure they're not going to flush now…?"

Flynn looked uncomfortable. "You see, that's the problem. It's the Super Bowl upstairs and it could finish at any time…"

"Flynn! Why didn't you… we… look! We're stuck down here, no map, no direction and you're proclaiming that we're racing against the end where everyone will unload the waste they're been saving while watching the match!"

Flynn nodded. "There's worse news."

Nate shook his head. "No, look it must be ages before they get enough scores for that."

"It's the Cookie Rangers playing."

Nate paled. The Cookie Rangers were known to finish games within an hour or so, which meant that flush time would be very soon.

"Run" Nate muttered.

Flynn started moving in one direction before they heard it. The flush.

Flynn and Nate looked at each other.

"We're screwed" Flynn whined.

Nate looked around to see the water building up. "Shit…"

"No mate, it's not just going to be shit, it's going to be piss too and whatever else they want to throw down."

Nate saw the water rising and round the corner… the wall of waste, approaching at speed.

Flynn saw it. He ran to the wall and started banging on it desperately. "Help us!"

Nate took his arm. "RUN!"

**Charlie flicked a card up.**

"Pick a card."

Elena sighed. She's been playing this game for ages now while Nate and a black-bandaged Flynn made their way through the 'shit-tunnels'.

"Aces." Elena said.

Charlie looked at it. "Err, which ace?"

"Black Spade."

Charlie looked at the card. "Oh, well it wasn't an Ace at all so… let's try again."

Elena looked at Charlie. "You've been trying to pull off this magic trick for ages now. Just give up."

Charlie frowned. "What do you reckon Nate and traitor are doing now?"

Elena sighed as she felt a kick. "Probably wizzing through the sewer, happily making banter…"

"**I can't hold on!" Flynn cried.**

Nate was holding onto a ladder that lead up to a sewer grate, the one they needed to get through to get out. But the waste had caught up with them and now… now, they were being dragged to their deaths in waste.

"I'm trying to get up the ladder Flynn!"

"Well, don't! Help me!"

"I'm trying!"

**Elena looked out of the window.**

"Yeah, I'm sure they're fine."

**Flynn climbed out of the sewer, completely covered in shit.**

Nate climbed out after him, spitting it out as he went.

"Eurgh. That's the last time I'm doing one of your plans Flynn!"

Flynn brushed off his jeans, completely missing the rest of his shit-covered body.

"I think it went well." Flynn said happily.

Nate shook his head. "Only you would say that."

Flynn shook his head. "Okay, enough pissing around. Let's go."

Flynn started running off. Nate was left to contemplate his awful pun.

Flynn made his way to the bin in the middle of the park, reaching in.

"Eww" someone shouted as they passed. Flynn ignored them and kept digging.

"Ha!" He exclaimed, pulling out of the bin a simple Walkers Crisp Packet.

Nate came up. "Great."

Flynn looked at him. "I pick more than my arse my friend."

Nate wasn't sure about that. Flynn turned over the packet. His face fell.

"It's… its empty."

"It's a crisp packet Flynn. What did you think it would have?"

"_Hey mates, thought I'd just say security's coming."_

Nate held his earpiece. "What was that Charlie?"

"_Security mate. Saw them 20 minutes ago. Reckoned I should tell you."_

"20 minutes ago! Charlie?"

Guns clicked. Plastic ones.

Flynn held up his arms. "And it was going so well."

Nate looked around to see an army of guards pointing their plastic guns at him.

"Don't get near them" one commanded. "Jesus, they're covered in shit…"

Flynn perked up. "Yeah, you'd better believe it!"

Nate palm faced himself so well everyone flinched.

**Please review? Go one, it's easy! Please?**


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